ETIQUETTE TIP OF THE MONTH

Bring Back Charm and Tradition with the Handwritten Invitation

The charming lady writes her own invitations. She doesn’t email them. She puts pen to paper, and in her own hand, creates her charming notes. When you receive a dinner invitation from her, it won’t be in your inbox. It will be in your mailbox. Receiving invitations of this kind is notable, especially in this email day and age. You will feel special receiving invitations of this type, because they are mailed in grace and dignity. This holiday season, try reaching out to your friends with the special effort of a handwritten invitation or season’s greeting card.

The following invitation is for a casual party or “get together”:

December 1, 2011
Dear Elaine,
I'm having a party at my house for our Drama Club. We all did a great job and this is my way of saying thanks to everyone for his efforts. The party will be Friday December 14th at 6:30pm. I’ve enclosed a map that leads to my house from the center. Plan to sing some holiday songs and drink homemade egg nog afterwards! I sure hope you can make it.

Sincerely,

Jennifer R.s.v.p. 555 - 6789
Casual sweater and slacks

This casual invitation is really a letter. Note however that Jennifer included all of the necessary elements of an invitation – the day and date, the time, directions to her house, and particulars such as her casual dress code. She also gave a two weeks’ notice, appropriate for a casual get together. Note also the R.s.v.p. is by telephone. Jennifer wants a call from her would-be guests to accept or reject her invitation, which is why a written response is better. A written response puts distance between her prospective guests and Jennifer if they can’t make her party, and must decline her invitation. It is okay to call to accept or decline this kind of r.s.v.p, but etiquette dictates that you send out a written response to a written invitation.

A formal invitation should be worded like this:

Miss Jennifer Williams
requests the pleasure of your company
at dinner
on Friday, the 12th of November
at six o'clock
86 Park Place
Pleasantville, CT 06001
R.s.v.p.

Or like this:

In honor of
Miss Jennifer Williams
Mr. and Mrs. Brian Williams
request the pleasure of your company at dinner
on Saturday, the ninth of June
at six o’clock in the evening
The Oxford Inn
R.s.v.p.

The Importance of R.S.V.P

The above initials, R.s.v.p. mean Répondez, s’il vous plait,” which is French for, “Respond, if you please.” When you see those initials at the bottom left of an invitation, it means, “Write me back and let me know if you can or can not come to my party.” A written invitation says that this function is a serious matter. Food, perhaps thank-you gifts, and other items of hospitality will be bought for the invited guests, and so a written invitation deserves your respectful attention. Either way, you must write back accepting or rejecting the invitation. Ignoring a written invitation is quite rude, and justifies putting you on an auxiliary, or back tier, of acquaintanceship. In fact, you shouldn’t expect to be invited to this person’s home again. So R.s.v.p.!

If you accept the invitation, you should send a note like this:

Miss Gloria Worthy
accepts with pleasure
the kind invitation of
Miss Jennifer Williams
for Friday, the 12th of November

If you must decline the invitation, you should send a note like this:

Miss Gloria Worthy
regrets exceedingly that she is unable to accept
the very kind invitation of
Miss Jennifer Williams

Notice that the words “regrets exceedingly” and “very kind” should be used when you are declining. If you are a close friend of Jennifer’s, you should write a little note saying that you have already accepted an invitation to socialize with someone else on that date, or that you have to attend a wedding or funeral or something equally significant. If you are a mere acquaintance, no explanation is necessary; you have the right to turn down an invitation. Close friends or not, don’t lie when you decline an invitation. Any excuse that you make up will be far worse than the truth. And your friend will know anyway.

Last, invest in the best stationery for your budget. You can also make your very own writing paper. Just make sure that your letter paper and note cards are standard size for the U.S. Postal Service.

Bring back charm and tradition. Write your own invitations.

Program Happenings

The reading specialist at an Indianapolis, Indiana magnet middle school started a new etiquette program using the Teen Etiquette: Lessons in Gracious Living curriculum. We at Thurston Whitaker want the girls to learn character development and have fun this school year.

What Our Clients are Saying

“... Dageanna feels proud every time she tells family & friends about dressing proper & baking, etc. I noticed how she wants to set the table, how she sits straight. She takes her time now when she talks, and she even puts the proper words when needed.”

Anonymous- Parent of student

“ It teaches you how to speak, it made me more independent, responsible, how I talk, oh, actually how I speak, how I dress, how I present myself in front of certain people, how not to look stupid in situations and to use for everyday life. ”

Destinie - Previous Student

“ This club, the etiquette club (Ms. Whitaker) has taught me how to dress on different occasions. Whether business, formal, casual...Even when I’m at home my etiquette skills play a roll when I’m setting the table, making my tea (stirring my tea), I can go on and on. In brief this club has made a physical, and mental change in me from Day one. ”

Marzina - Previous Student

Feedback

So, what’s on your mind? We would love to hear your thoughts on the newsletter, website, program material, how you found us, or anything you would like to share!

Contact Us

Thurston Whitaker Information Services
PO Box 271743
West Hartford, CT 06127
860.404.0339, office
860.404.0571, fax
sy@thurstonwhitaker.com
www.ThurstonWhitaker.com